I’ve been doing a lot of seeking lately: seeking out Christ, learning about myself, and trying to figure out what God’s will or purpose for my life is. And for those of you who know anything about the process involved behind those things, you understand why I’ve been having a rough time lately.
The more I dig into who I am and who God created me to be, the more I’m learning exactly who I’m NOT. I’ve learned lately, and it’s come as no surprise, exactly how many issues I struggle with. That list keeps getting longer. And many of these issues carry side effects that I’ve long categorized as being parts of my personality. For example, I am a very loyal friend. I’m learning that intense loyalty, beyond what is normal or healthy, is a result of codependency. As I struggle with codependency and battle to find healthy boundaries, I will learn that not all people deserve my loyalty, and I will learn when and how to distance myself from unhealthy people. I had clung to many of these traits, assuming they were strengths in my personality.
The person who I thought I was relied so many things other than Christ, that as I learn how to depend on Him for my needs instead of other people, so much of who I thought I was is disappearing. And that leaves me sitting here thinking, so who am I really? If so much of what I thought I was is a byproduct of sin and doing things my own way, what’s left?
So then I’m at this simple question again of “Who am I?” While I’m not sure yet, God knows, because He made me, and He has a few things to say about it in the Bible. I found a cool article from which I’ve pulled a few of the below bullets. I suggest reading the whole thing.
- I am God’s child (John 1:12)
- I have been set free from condemnation (Rom 8:1-2)
- I have been given a sound mind (2 Timothy 1) and wisdom (Ephesians 1:8)
- I am a light in the darkness (Matthew 5:14)
- I am sheltered under his wing–protected (Psalms 91:4)
- I have a hope that is sure and steadfast (Heb 6:19)
- I can come boldly to the throne of grace (Heb 4:1)
- I can do all things through Christ (Philip 4:13)
- I cannot be separated from God’s love (Rom 8:35-3)
While this list does little for helping me figure out the spiritual gifts, passions, and heart that are unique to me, it gives me a launching point from which to go from. These things remind me that I am WORTH me going through the struggle of learning about myself. God has a plan for me, and whether the world considers it significant or impactful, I recognize that it’s still MY plan, mine. And no one else gets the privilege of walking in the steps God’s outlined for me.